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A divorce is one of the most painful events that a person must face over the course of a lifetime. Divorce is stressful because it disrupts every aspect of one’s existence.

Nothing remains the same during or immediately after a divorce. The disruption caused by a divorce often involves changes in one’s financial security, family dynamics, and social support, just to name a few.

And even smaller changes, like going to the grocery store and shopping for oneself for the first time, can have a profound impact on one’s peace of mind. Divorce is difficult because it forces people to deal with a host of new and unfamiliar situations resulting in an overwhelming sense of uncertainty.

And if that were not bad enough, divorce also involves a tremendous sense of loss.

Although many people do not realize it, the end of ALL close relationships, even troublesome ones, is experienced as a loss. In fact, a painful divorce can create feelings very similar to those experienced when a spouse passes away. A loss is a loss, no matter how it happens.

In fact, this sense of loss can be so powerful, that many couples stay together rather than put themselves through the pain that a divorce can inflict.

Unfortunately, this combined uncertainty and sense of loss often leaves individuals not knowing if they can trust their own judgment. After a divorce, it is common for people to question their ability to make sound decisions and act in their own best interest.

This feeling of insecurity can be particularly troublesome as people start to date again. Often a divorce is accompanied by infidelity or other acts of betrayal. And it is not easy to move forward with a new relationship when a past relationship ended on such a negative note.

Carrying forward such negative beliefs and suspicions, however, often dooms a new relationship from the start.

For a new relationship to have a chance, it is important to deal directly with one’s feelings of suspicion and betrayal.

And while everyone has moments of insecurity, being suspicious on a daily basis is problematic. Jealousy, if left unchecked, can destroy a relationship.

To begin with, people who are chronically jealous often misinterpret what is going on – taking what might be an innocent event and thinking about it in the most negative way possible.

For example, if a new romantic partner does not immediately return a phone call, an insecure individual will jump to a negative conclusion (i.e., he or she doesn’t really care about me or is seeing someone else).

And life is full of little misunderstandings, coincidences, accidents, and innocent mistakes. But, an insecure individual will tie all of these daily events together in the worst possible way.

Jumping to such conclusions can drive a person crazy and it often fuels one’s suspicions even more. Negative thoughts, doubts, and insecurities often lead to more negative thoughts, doubts, and insecurities.

Not only do highly suspicious individuals drive themselves crazy, they often drive their partners crazy as well. Being around a suspicious person is difficult to deal with. No one likes to have everything that happens throughout the day turned into a negative event.

Typically, the best way to deal with doubts and insecurities is to talk to your romantic partner about them.

When people are jealous or suspicious, they often try to hide their true feelings from their partners, but ignoring one’s emotions never works. Our feelings always get the best of us and influence our behavior whether we like it or not.

So when people have doubts, if they do not talk about it, it comes out through sudden mood changes, acting overly controlling, being overly sensitive and needy, and causing unnecessary arguments, and so on.

Ironically, one’s insecurities can even lead a person to flirt with others as a way of getting a partner’s attention and showing him/her what it feels like to be insecure.

Again, a lot of research shows that talking to a partner about being insecure is the best way of dealing with it. And as a general rule, when talking about such issues, it helps to focus on one’s feelings and not necessarily a partner’s behavior.

In other words, do not blame or attack a partner because you feel insecure – rather explain how you feel (“Sometimes my doubts gets the best of me, and I don’t like feeling this way…”). If you can talk directly to your partner about how you feel, you are less likely to act in ways that create more distance and disruption in your relationship.

In fact, people often feel closer when they can talk to their partners about their problems in a constructive manner. Talking about problems is important when trying to overcome one’s insecurities and move forward.

Copyright © 2004 – 2005 BlueSky Partners, LLC. All rights reserved (www.truthaboutdeception.com)

Article by Timothy Cole, PhD. For more tips on dealing with jealousy and suspicion go to http://www.truthaboutdeception.com

Did you know that the average wedding in the UK now costs £17,000? I dread to think how much that is an hour!

Of course, no-one wants to deny the bride her big day and nowadays you can quite literally have what you want. If you want personalised wedding rock as favours, a chocolate fountain, a snow machine, your own wedding website, bespoke jewellery or bridal shoes dyed to order you can have it all. But, weddings don’t come cheap and sadly so many companies are making too much money on bride’s big day!

When planning our own wedding recently, we felt that companies were ‘cashing in’ on brides and their often extensive budgets! Why do people think that bride means ‘loaded?’ I don’t know many engaged couples who have a spare £17,000 under their mattresses – do you?

When sourcing photographers, venues, bridal dresses, bridal shoes, caterers and stationers, we were horrified to discover how much people were charging, and how much people were obviously prepared to pay. We also found that many companies did not have helpful staff at the end of the phone. Unless we were physically making the booking there and then, we were left feeling undervalued and unimportant.

Have times changed so much that companies only deal politely with customers who are bearing a cheque book?

If so, that’s such a shame. I think many companies forget that being helpful to customers – whether they are buying or enquiring – can be the difference between future business or not. When did everyone become so sales target driven? When did people stop just ‘talking’ to customers? Most future brides spend an entire 18 months talking incessantly about weddings – usually driving their nearest and dearest mad. Brides love having new ears to bend!

Recent years have also seen an explosion in internet sales. More and more people are choosing to buy over the net. We also found ourselves trawling through so many different wedding websites and to be honest, found so many of them very difficult to navigate. Equally, sites that were well publicised often had very limited collections. Products were either stunning but overpriced or cheap and nasty; there was no halfway-house.

Whatever budget a bride is working towards, no-one wants to pay over the odds, yet we all expect quality, especially on our big day. Also, everyone knows that when it comes to weddings, a bride knows exactly what she wants and there is no room for compromise!

It was through planning our own wedding, that we identified a gap in the market. The gap was for good quality wedding favours and wedding accessories at realistic prices. We made it our mission to provide brides with a simple-to-navigate website containing a extensive selection of quality products. The products range from traditional to modern and there are favours to suit all types of bride and more importantly, if you want to call us, then you are guaranteed a friendly voice at the end of the phone.

Good luck with all your wedding plans and remember to enjoy it. It’s supposed to be your dream day, not an over-priced nightmare!

(c) World of Wedding Favours

This article is brought to you by “World of Wedding Favours” – Offering brides high quality wedding favours and bomboniere at low-cost prices. To view our vast range of wedding favours to suit your special occasion please visit: http://www.World-of-Wedding-Favours.com

During the 80s, women started getting more equal treatment than ever in the workplace. More women were graduating from college and getting great full time jobs. Those that had not settled down and married before graduation had little time to devote to dating and finding a mate after they landed these great positions. This is part of what the original “Marriage Crunch” was all about. Women choosing not to get married and experts worrying that because of this women over the age of 30 were not likely to get married ever.

Today there has been a shift in the priorities of women. Women are more focused on having families and often choose to forgo using their education in the traditional sense by staying home with their young children. Women now find it a privilege to get the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mother. They are waiting until their children are in school before they seek out full time occupations.

However, in addition to the mothers of the world, there is a group of single women who find it more appealing to stay single than to marry. They too want children, but know that due to technology such as in-vitro fertilization, they have more options than ever for the future. They make themselves unavailable to the notion of marriage. Perhaps men are not asking women as often as they have in the past to marry them as well. Sometimes it could be that the woman has never considered marriage because she has never been asked.

There are many things to consider when planning a Las Vegas wedding, especially if you are planning it from a different spot in the country or world. It is important to find a chapel or wedding site that is going to meet all of you needs as well as your budget. Here are some of the things to consider when choosing your Las Vegas wedding site:

1. The Location – What are you looking for in a wedding location? Are you hoping for something traditional or would you like something out of the ordinary? Would you prefer an indoor location or do you have your heart set on an outdoor garden location? Would you prefer one of the many destination weddings such as Red Rock Canyon, Lake Mead, and Mount Charleston, that Las Vegas has to offer? Deciding your location is the most important aspect of your wedding planning as it will set the whole tone for your wedding.

2. The Officiant – Would you be okay with a civil ceremony or would you prefer a religious ceremony? Many Las Vegas locations including most of the wedding chapels provide you with an officiant that provides a civil wedding ceremony but many locations can arrange for a rabbi, minister etc. if you prefer a religious ceremony. Of course in Las Vegas you also have the option of being married by the King himself, Elvis!

3. Flowers – Fresh or Silk? Single stem presentation or cascade bouquet? Roses, lilies or something tropical? Las Vegas wedding locations that offer all inclusive packages usually offer some sort of flowers with the package. If you have your heart set on something they don’t offer, you could always arrange for your own. Many locations offer you at least a few options when it comes to choosing your flowers. Some wedding chapels, including The Little Chapel of the Flowers, offer their own onsite flower shop where you can pick everything from the type of flowers that you would like to which ribbons you prefer with your flowers. They can even special order flowers if you have a special request.

4. Music – Most Las Vegas wedding locations offer pre recorded music for your wedding ceremony as part of their packages. Would you prefer live music for your ceremony? A few locations do offer live musicians as part of their packages and many others are willing to arrange it for you at an additional cost. So if you prefer a soloist or perhaps a cellist to the sounds of Kenny G coming from a sound system, you are in luck!

5. Photographs – Many consider this to be one of the most important aspects of the wedding planning since your wedding photographs are what you are going to look at for the years to come when you want to remember your wedding day. Do you want a large photography package? Are you interested in a lot of photographs of the ceremony, posed photos afterwards, or both? Would you like prints or would you prefer to purchase you pictures on a CD or disk so you can reprint them later? Some locations offer photography packages that include the photographer going with you where ever you want for the day. So if you dreamed of having wedding pictures taken in front of the Bellagio’s fountains, the Mirage’s volcano, or at the famous Welcome to Las Vegas sign, you are in luck!

6. Videography – Would you like a video of your ceremony? Some locations offer the ceremony on VHS, others offer it on DVD, some offer you a choice of the two. Many wedding chapels also offer web cam broadcasting of the ceremony. Your wedding can be broadcast live on the internet for friends and family to view.

7. Transportation – Do you need transportation? Most Las Vegas wedding chapels offer limousine transportation with their wedding packages. Although it is included with the package, a gratuity to the limo driver is customary. Some locations offer other transportation options are also offered. Some of the chapels with drive thru ceremonies offer sports cars, bicycles, and even a monster truck for their drive thru ceremony packages. If you are not getting married in a chapel and need to find your own transportation, there are many businesses in Las Vegas that offer limousines, luxury and sports car rentals.

8. Wedding Attire – Do you plan to buy or rent you wedding attire? If you are in need of something to wear for your wedding there are many locations around the Las Vegas area, including some of the wedding chapels, that have gowns, tuxedos, and themed costumes available to rent or purchase. Some of these businesses will even deliver right to your hotel room for you.

These are the major decisions that you will face when planning your Las Vegas wedding. Once you make these decisions, you can move on to the small ones like whether or not to splurge on that dove release!

Rebecca Johnson is owner of Las Vegas Wedding Informer, a Las Vegas wedding planning website. Visit it to find Las Vegas wedding ceremony locations and for help finding other Las Vegas wedding services.

Respect…respect…respect.

This is major to a long and successful marriage.

All too often, in my practice as a spiritual counselor, I
find couples have derailed their mutual respect in many
subtle and not-so-subtle ways through their style of
intimacy.

They mistakenly believe being married gives them license to
get into each other’s head. Too many married couples, soon
after tying the knot-or even before-begin to treat each
other the way each one treats him/herself. This is what many
of my clients think intimacy is about.

With this style of intimacy, we project on to our spouse all
the demoralizing, self-inflicting wounds we give to
ourselves. Whatever baggage we carry, we thrust upon our
partner. Hidden anger, self-doubt, and fear-to identify our
most common failings-get tossed back and forth between the
partners. In other words, we treat our spouse as badly as we
treat ourselves.

It is my impression, we are more kind to strangers. We ought
to treat our spouses as kindly as we treat a stranger.
Politeness is not the same as coldness or aloofness.
Civility is the beginning of positive intimacy. And that
sort of intimacy is worth internalizing. From treating our
spouse in a kindly fashion, we can learn from our own
behavior and begin to treat ourselves more kindly. By that,
I don’t mean pandering ourselves with over-indulgence of our
appetites or by avoiding challenges. I don’t mean taking the
easy way out.

By exercising kindness to ourselves, we discontinue
harboring negative ideas about ourselves. We stop self-
judgmental habits; we stop trying to prove we are okay be
resorting to perfectionism; we stop nursing past hurts; we
stop anticipating future insults. And by clearing our mental
house of negative self-intimacy, we are then more able and
willing to be kindly disposed to our beloved other.

Treating our spouse as politely as we treat a stranger makes
for an easier process when it comes to dealing with issues
and differences. Having grown to be more kind toward
ourselves, we have learned how to be an observer of our
inner as well as outer behaviors. We become a witness to our
actions and thoughts. We learn to understand ourselves
better. And thinking more kindly about ourselves, we have
enabled ourselves to move through our negotiations with our
spouse from a higher perspective. It is as if we were
standing at the top of a mountain looking down and seeing
with more clarity all that is happening below.

We have learned to see our emotions from some amount of
distance, enough to be open to hearing more clearly what the
other needs to say. We listen to each other without
defending ourselves, without seeking to change the other.
Just listening, just hearing without heavy emotional
involvement, makes all the difference in the world. This is
the way of polite negotiation. This is the way marriages are
sustained, are nurtured, and ripen.

Generally, people are attracted to an opposite type. We see
in the other characteristics and behaviors we secretly wish
were ours. At first, being with our opposite is a positive
delight. Until it happens-and it generally happens-that each
partner, to some extent or another, attempts to change the
others habits, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. Those very
attributes we were attracted to in the first place begin to
threaten.

The honeymoon is over when one partner starts working on the
other attempting to get the other to become more like him or
her. Because the partner harbors unconscious doubts about
her/himself, because of the negative intimacy the person
inflicts on her/himself, the need to change the other-to
take on his/her characteristics and attitudes-is a way to
alleviate some of that doubt. If she is more like me, then I
must be okay.

This is the path to a hostile environment. In such a
marriage, delight in each other dries up, the warmth and
love desired evaporates. The partners have a sense of too
many differences separating them from each other. If they
persist in remaining connected, their life becomes one of
quiet desperation. If the two are still civil with each
other, the civility is brittle. There is no kindness, no
loving, and caring feeling between them. Many marriages persist in this manner for various reasons, financial being the most prominent.

But if each partner practices self-kindness and a detached
witnessing of self, then each can allow the other the space
needed in which to grow. Gradually, the gap between
differences narrows; each has shifted somewhat in attitude
and behavior; each has miraculously become more like the
other. And then it becomes a joy for the two to be together.
Each has realized the pleasure of having become more like
that person they were attracted to in the beginning.

Such a ripening can be the consequence of a lengthy and
successful marriage. We become more whole. This is why we
do it.

__________________________________________________________

Vitae has been a spiritual counselor for over 25 years. He is an All Game Guide and has trained 22 new guides. All Game is a self-discovery workshop in the form of a board game.

Vitae is as well as master numerologist and teaches numerology online.
JoyfulNumerology.com

Great Wedding Decoration Themes

Are you planning your wedding on your own? This scan be a huge undertaking but also a lot of fun. It will allow you to customize and create every tiny detail for that special day. One of the most difficult parts of planning a wedding is the wedding decorations. If you are planning out your wedding already then you are probably the do it yourself type of person and will want to find ways to make your own wedding decorations for cheap. However you don’t want them to look cheap. Below are a collection of different ideas that you can use while planning your wedding decorations.

Wedding Decoration with Balloons
When done carefully balloons can be a wonderful decoration for a wedding. They set a light and celebratory mood for the guests and are yet very classy looking. Typically you will want to stick with white and pale or pastel types of colors for the balloons. You might want to plan the balloons to match the colors or theme of your wedding and even the bridesmaid dresses. Keep in mind that this does not have to be an exact match of colors but you want colors in a similar range. So if the bridesmaid dresses are a dark purple then you will want the balloons to be in a range of purple colors.

Another great benefit of using balloons for as part of the wedding decorations is they can easily be taken from the church to the wedding reception. In fact if you really want to save money while still looking classy you can easily do a large balloon arch at the wedding and then break the arch down into smaller pieces or groups of five or six balloons and then make these into table centerpiece for the reception. This comes with one piece of advice though. If you are the bride and groom don’t try to take the arch down yourself, instead enlist the help of a few friends.

Wedding Decorations using Flower
Of course everyone has seen the flower as part of a wedding decoration. This is honestly nothing new. However many people really like a more traditional look and something more timeless then the light and fun environment created by balloons. In that case flowers are the way to go. You can easily by flowers in bulk from a local florist or even a grower and then make your decorations including table centerpieces, decorations for the pews and alter and so on a day or so ahead. This will be a little more expensive typically then balloons but the mood that it sets in the chapel or church and again at the reception is well worth it. Again if you plan ahead some of the decorations from the church can be broken down into small pieces and then used as table decorations.

Wedding Decoration and Pictures
Pictures are a wonderful way to really add to the decorations both at the church and the reception. Often the wedding guests have not sent he bride and groom for a while and seeing updated and recent pictures of the couple together can be a nice touch. It makes those long lost cousins and relatives feel like they have shared a part of your life. It does not take much but a few well placed large pictures of the bride and groom can really add a lot. You will most likely want to vary the pictures, poses and setting that the pictures were taken in. it is nice to mix both formal pictures with fun family photos also. This gives the guests a real feel of sharing in your life. Once again pictures are a easy decoration that can be used again at the reception. In fact you might not feel comfortable using the pictures at the actual wedding and if that is the case don’t worry just use the pictures as wedding reception decorations.

Butterfly Wedding Decoration
A trend that has been growing for many modern weddings is a butterfly release. Instead of throwing the traditional rice a release of butterflies as the new couple exists the church can be a wonderful and classy touch. The butterflies will make for wonderful wedding pictures, this is harmless to the environment and it creates a beautiful display of color. You might want to pick up on the butterfly theme even more and use butterflies and butterfly graphics in decoration the reception room. There are a ton of places online and in local craft stores that you can find all kinds of great butterfly resources to use for decorating a reception hall. For example napkin rings with butterflies in them can easily carry the theme. It is often just a light touch and a few nice quality pieces are all that is need to carry a theme.

These are just a few of the fun ideas that you can use to make your own wedding decorations for much cheaper then buying them. Often if you search around the internet for wholesale or discount wedding decorations you can find great deals on things. By being creative and putting in a little elbow grease yourself you can easily save a ton of money and have a completely original wedding. Unique wedding decorations really add the extra touch of class that everyone will rave about for a long time to come.

Plan Best Wedding.
A great resource for: wedding planning articles including
wedding decorations using butterflies,
balloons, pictures or flowers and more.

A wedding consists of basically four elements: gathering, ritual, vows, and celebration.

The traditional wedding ceremony derives from a combination of ancient cultural practices and church liturgy. Marriage itself has a less-than-romantic history in much of the world until more recent times. The union of bride and groom inspired by friendship, love and devotion is a concept that only began to form about 500 years ago in Western cultures. Even then, marriages of choice that followed a lengthy courtship were a luxury of the aristocracy. Marriage was usually a purely social and political contract, controlled in every way by church, state, and extended family.

Within this deeply conservative framework, women in particular had very little leeway, and no economic or political power. Historically, women were considered property of their husband. In traditional marriages even today, women vow to “obey” their husbands. In England and America, for example, until even as recently as a century ago, if a woman’s husband were to die, she was left entirely dependent on her husband’s family, who took ownership of all of her own family assets.

While some couples find their greatest support following traditional marriage ceremonies, an increasing number of couples are designing unique and personally meaningful weddings that reflect a more innovative spirit. Sometimes these thoughtfully designed ceremonies simply alter certain aspects of more traditional weddings while others break the mold entirely. For example, it was common until recently for the bride’s family to pick up the tab for the wedding. Many couples today share the planning and expenses of the wedding and even draw equally from their respective traditions. Ceremonies involving combined liturgy, or, for example, both a priest and a rabbi, are common. Fifty years ago, this combination would have been taboo among most people.

The gathering of witnesses is from one’s community, but what if one’s community is outside of any traditional church, synagogue or mosque? Some couples have chosen to create beautiful ceremonies that go farther back in time, to the goddess and earth religions that predate the patriarchy altogether. Ceremonies held at sacred sites, scheduled according to the lunar calendar, and incorporating a respect for the powers of nature, sometimes conducted by modern-day shamans or priestesses, have become more common.

These ceremonies can be legally officiated by ministers who are not affiliated with a particular denomination, or who are broadly ecumenical in their own spiritual practice. Uniquely individualized approaches can be incorporated by writing original vows, which reflect one’s deepest sentiments. Much careful reflection often goes into the composition of vows that best reflect the deep contractual commitment the bride and groom are making.

Sometimes, couples who desire an innovative wedding get married legally by a local magistrate at the county courthouse, and then hold a more alternative ceremony among family and friends.

The “Green Wedding” movement is an interesting cultural phenomenon that has been gaining increasing momentum. Careful planning goes into every aspect of a Green Wedding ceremony to ensure that environmental and social justice is upheld. Catering for the reception features locally-grown and organic food. The typical gift registry is partially or entirely replaced by a list of non-profit environmental, community, and political organizations to which the bride and groom request a donation as their gift. Many Green Weddings are community projects themselves, featuring the talents and contributions of a wide network of friends and family. This emphasis on both the local and global community reflects the bride and groom’s desire for the marriage itself to be a force for positive change.

Wedding rings are a lasting and meaningful way for the bride and groom to express unique aspects of their commitment to each other, while at the same time embodying their spiritual, political, and environmental values. Conflict-Free diamonds, that is, diamonds certified as being mined and distributed free of bloodshed and oppression, are in ever greater demand. Celtic wedding rings, with a variety of organic and beautiful patterns and symbols, carry multifaceted spiritual and symbolic meaning. While the exchange of rings is of course a long-standing tradition, the variety and craftsmanship available today is unsurpassed, and many couples make certain the rings themselves incorporate, as a lifelong reminder, the values and meaning woven into their uniquely creative wedding ceremony.

The most important thing when planning one’s wedding is first and foremost, make it your day. Decide where you will compromise and where you will not compromise. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Let go and celebrate the beginning of a new journey.

Peter Breslin is a musician, astrologer, Tarot reader, teacher and freelance writer for Artisanweddingrings.com and Celticjewelry.com living in Santa Fe, New Mexico. He has taught mathematics, music, writing, and literature in the course of a 20-year teaching career in Pennsylvania, New York, New Mexico, and California. Writings include a variety of pieces for publications online and otherwise. He is currently at work on a novel.

Reflective Images can be found at:
http://www.artisanweddingrings.com

http://www.celticjewelry.com
For a free full color catalog contact us at:

marek@celticjewelry.com

Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of nine years left her for a twenty-something barmaid in San Francisco. Even though this was her third marriage, she felt three was the charm and, after all, he showed all the qualities in a soul mate and a marriage partner that no one had ever shown her. After this traumatic experience, she closed off her heart to future relationships, giving up on the theory that you can find THE ONE who meets all your goals and expectations.

Jennifer Quigley*, fresh out of college, had enough of her share of “flings” and was ready for that someone special to enter her life. However, after every date ended up in the bedroom, she vowed that she was going to give up dating altogether. “It’s just not worth it,” she said. “There just are no more good guys left. I’d rather stay home with my cat or go out with friends.”

Joseph Freemont* married his childhood sweetheart fresh out of high school. After graduation, they married and one and a half years later, became the proud parents of a strapping baby boy they named Michael. Two years later, another child joined their family and then a year later, the third child was born. Joseph was a good father as well as a good husband, delighting his wife with anything her heart desired. He laughed at his good luck and never took advantage of the situation by treating every day with his family as if it were the first. Twenty years to the day they married, Joseph lost his wife to terminal cancer. He grieved to the point where he could not come to grips with her passing and decided from that day forward he would never look at another woman again.

What do these three people have in common?

They have all given up on looking for their soul mates altogether and have closed off that path of their journey which is necessary for total self-growth and finding their higher selves.

While they have entered a comfort zone inside themselves to ward off the pain, they have closed it to whatever soul mates who might enter their lives in the future. When they put up this shield, they have also cut off a very necessary part of their life’s journey.

And why is this bad?

The reason is that, unknowingly, they have severed an important and vital part of their well-being. They have retreated within themselves to the point where finding love has no meaning anymore. And, in so doing, they have opened themselves to the prospects of getting stress-related diseases and losing what zest they have left in their lives.

In the case of Joseph, grieving is a natural process and one that should be completed before he even thinks about carrying on another relationship. If he were to jump right into a relationship, without going through the entire healing process, only disastrous results would occur.

However, in time, Joseph will heal and he will start to feel those old feelings of having someone to share his life with. Whether he acts on these impulses, it all depends on whether he is comfortable within himself to do so. This will take a lot of time for Joseph to come to this point, but he has to realize that shielding himself from his other soul mates is not going to help him heal.

By allowing these soul mates to enter his life, he will realize for what reason his deceased wife came into his life and left so abruptly. It’s all a learning process and one in which Joseph needs to enter in order for him to release the negativity he is bestowing on himself in the name of grief.

Francine and Jennifer are merely products of bad relationships. Both figure what’s the point? Until they release this negative thinking, they will bring this baggage into whatever future relationships that may be in stow for them and it will be a pattern they will continue until they realize that this negative thinking is what is preventing them from finding their true soul mates and finding the happiness they are looking for.

Baggage from past relationships shouldn’t hinder you from giving up on finding your soul mate. Once you understand that they all served purposes towards your self-growth – even the bad ones – and you can work through the karma associated with it, you’re that much closer to finding your higher self. It’s your higher self where you find the life, the creativity and the love you deserve.

*names have been changed

# # #

Living in those areas of the world, and those historical times, where obesity rather than malnutrition is likely to figure in our conversation, it might be difficult to understand the preoccupation with food that figures so largely in all our celebrations.

In particular, the wedding cake, which more often than not is largely for display, does make one wonder. If it’s a fruit cake, you can be certain that as large a proportion of the guests will hate it, as love it. And the same goes for any other flavour.

The idea of celebrating any event with food is a tradition which comes from a time when you had to do a lot more for your food than go to the corner store or the supermarket. For the poor working on the estates of their betters, a wedding at the big house could mean a little bit of meat for the first time in months, or a drink that you could actually swallow without doing damage to the lining of your stomach.

When the idea of a celebratory cake first entered the wedding arena, it was little more than a bun, often broken over the bride’s head to wish her plenty in her life. To add a little more oomph to the action, if the cake broke into more than one piece, those present would prophesize that the number of pieces of cake denoted the number of off-springs the bride could hope for.

Somewhere along the way, a creative chef – I believe he was French and working for one of the kings – got the idea of making a masterpiece of a wedding cake by icing hundreds of little cakes into one large structure.

Of course a cake could hardly be considered a feast in its own right. It sat there in all its glory while the guests threw themselves on life-like structures of fowls such as geese in grapes and garlic sauce, peacocks decorated with their own feathers, fish staring coldly out of dead eyes, and boar heads with the inevitable apple in their mouths.

Only after satisfying their hunger did the guests turn towards the wedding cake which they tore with their hands.

Since then, of course, chefs all over the world have learned to make huge cake constructions without needing to resort to icing hundreds of little cakes and pretend it was just one cake. The only thing left now, was to find out how to cut such a cake without reducing it to crumbs.

After spending several centuries perfect this art, someone had a great idea. What if, instead of one huge cake needing to be mangled into smaller more edible pieces, the whole cake was constructed of small, individual cakes for each guest to pick? Wouldn’t it be so much more convenient?

Definitely. Even as we speak, chefs are supplying, as wedding cakes, individual meringue nests filled with fruit and cream, cup cakes decorated with a guest’s name, and buns with icing to die for.

I guess it’s a matter of what goes round, comes round.

Vlady Peters is an Australian Civil Marriage Celebrant authorised to perform marriages in Australia. She also perform general ceremonies such as Baby Naming, Renewal of Vows and Commitment Ceremonies. To learn more about her as a celebrant and an author visit Vlady at http://www.weddings-celebrant.com

My oldest niece, Kim, recently became engaged to her best friend, and called to ask if I would do her wedding. Of course I agreed without hesitation, because she is my niece – and it also helps that I have met and really like her fiancé!

I live in Illinois and they live in California, so the logistics of timing for the wedding are the first order of business. The date needs to be set for a time that I can easily travel west to preside over the wedding, and when she and her fiancé can afford the ceremony they want to have. Both of them are close to 30 years old and would like to marry soon, but neither of them makes a lot of money, and their parents are not in positions to finance the ceremony they would all like. So in our last conversation, Kim sadly told me that the wedding would likely not occur for at least a year and a half from now, maybe even closer to two years, so they can save for the wedding they’ve dreamed of having.

Kim and her fiancé don’t want to live together before they are married for religious reasons, but they are very eager to begin their new life together. So they were depressed to find out they had to wait so long to get married, especially because that also means putting off starting a family, which they both very much want. They thought about having something small so they could get married sooner, but neither of them wanted to have to give up the ceremony they both really wanted.

So that’s when I suggested that they consider getting married, legally, by the state, (at the county courthouse where they would get their license). And then put off the spiritual ceremony, or wedding itself, until a later date. They could have their parents and other family attend the legal marriage ceremony, presided over by a judge – and then wait a year or more to have the wedding service itself. That way they’d have more time to save money and plan for the perfect wedding they’ve always wanted.

Because I see marriages and weddings as two different things. The County Clerk’s Office is the agency that legitimizes a marriage in the legal sense – they are the entity to which you apply for a marriage license, and they are, similarly, the office where the records are kept. The minister or other officiant has to fill out paperwork and mail it back to the county where the marriage is recorded – and until that is done, the marriage is not legal. A wedding, on the other hand, is a more of a spiritual or family affair – a celebration of the union of two people, without much concern for legal issues. Very few ministers even utter the words “by the power vested in me by the State of …” in a wedding service these days, and the focus of a wedding is the couple and their life together, not on the legality of their union.

So why not consider separating the two? There are many reasons and many couples this might work out for, not just my niece and her fiancé. Perhaps money is not the issue, but other circumstances might make a large wedding inconvenient at a particular time. Difficulty of travel for family members, or illness, or any number of a variety of other reasons might make it more practical for a couple to consider getting legally married at one time, and having their wedding ceremony at another time.

Whatever the case, it’s an idea worth considering, and I hope my niece and her fiancé will give it some thought.

Susan Ryder is a pastor and author. This article has been submitted in affiliation with (http://www.Prye.Com/) which is a site for Wedding Invitations.